The Truth Behind the Lie

Dear Blackberry Therapist,

I had a horrible thing happen to me, and I am just coming to terms with all of it now. I developed a relationship on blackberry messenger. It started out with flirting and then got even more than that. But, overtime, I started to feel something for this person. Even though, I knew he was married, and lived 3000 miles away. He had a way of making me feel good. Well recently, he ended our relationship (if that is what you call it), even though he said he loved me. I was crushed. However, recently I found out that this guy is a scum bag. He does this with a lot of girls, and is into some pretty kinky stuff. I am now convinced he lives a double life. He is the perfect father, provider, husband, during the day and is a pervert at night. I am angry, because I feel like I was a victim, but also hurt, that he took advantage of me. I am blessed, because I recently found someone who truly loves me and is sincere. I want to move forward with this new relationship, but it is hard, when I still feel so much emotions (mostly anger) at this other guy. Can you please help me come to terms with this?

~ Mad at Him

Dear Mad at Him,

I can see why you would be upset. Truth of the matter is people lie to make themselves feel better and to be accepted. This is not just something that happens on line or on BlackBerry Messenger, this can happen in our day to day interactions. First, you must not blame yourself. Although this person has done this for selfish reasons, you are not the cause of his actions. Be thankful for your new relationship and move on.

Do not retaliate by "getting even" you are only upping the ante for him. It will boost his ego to know that you care enough to hurt him and that is part of the satisfaction he is looking for by doing what he has done. By seeing the bigger picture you are finally looking at the situation from the outside, which has allowed you to see him for what he really is, and what he has done.

My best advice to you is to focus on your new relationship. Now that you have a better perspective on this former relationship, you now know what to look for and what to avoid. Don't be upset it happen, be thankful because it only makes you smarter.

Good Luck, and Congratulations on the new relationship!

~BlackBerry Therapist

Waiting for Change 1-20-13

I am happy for all those who voted for Obama and will get to see the Man they voted for sworn in this coming Tuesday. I will respect Obama as the President of the United States for the next four years, or will I. I saw a great bumper sticker today that read: "Respect your President? Like you respected mine?" Love it. I am so tired of the "Yay! 2 more days!"

Here where I stand. I have asked several Obama supporters. Not to debate, just for answers. I want reasons why they voted Obama. Everyone has a choice and why they chose their candidate. My concerns are why was he chosen. What was their educated reasoning for choosing this junior Senator from Illinois.

The common answer was simple, no one had one. I heard a lot about "Change". I heard about doing something different, or promises that he has made. Still, no one person could say, I agreed when he voted for X. That bothers me as I sit here only 2 days from the change of my world. The possibility that a man will soon be in charge of the USA based on his "celebrity" status makes me ill.

I truly wish the man the best. He will be responsible for the Nation that I have rights to be a part of by my birth. Messing with this nation is like messing with kin, is changes will be criticized and exploited, but if he plays his cards right maybe he will make a difference. Either way, I am not holding my breath. He's off to a great start with his fancy inauguration which is estimated to cost a cool $150 mil. Which of course is over 3 times the amount Bush spent. But hey, who's counting?

Women and Their Insecurities

Completely off topic but I wanted to post my frustrations. Nothing chaps my ass more then a insecure woman. But as I say this I have to stop and ask myself who is truly the insecure one. I have a lot of guy friends. Honestly I just get along better with guys. I don't have that fake happy "I'm gonna be nice to you even though I want to claw your eyes out" bone. So why are women so insecure? My buddy just got a new girlfriend and her insecurities are waving in the wind like a surrender flag. I have not done anything for this chick to think I want her man but I have been shut down because of her. So at first I got my panties in a bunch and made a stink. Of course my friend told me to chill out and he would explain everything. I, of course, didn't give him the chance. I woke up the next day after my pantie issue and realized it was none of my business and didn't need an explanation. If his pursuit of love included a grown women who felt intimated by him having female friends then I had to respect her insecurities. So the real question is who is insecure? Am I for being upset that my friend "dissed" me (well up until yesterday) for a girl friend. Or is she insecure? Now, keep in mind that if one of the few female friends I would have done the same thing I would be just as upset. I want to make it clear I am not in like, in lust, or in love with my friend.

So you want a add?

With all due respect to the sane people out there I think its time a BlackBerry Messenger Questionnaire was made. Here is the beginning of mine:

1. How old are you? Ok, now really how old are you?
   
2. Are you expecting nude pictures? (If so kindly delete yourself now)
   
3. Have you ever met Chris Hansen?
   
4. Do you think it’s appropriate to ask a girl her bra size?
   
5. No I don’t care how big your penis is (no, not a question).
   
6. What are your thoughts on one sided conversations? Meaning, you want me to ask all about you. (If this describes you delete yourself now)
   
7. Have you ever use the words Salami, 10 inches, or God in a description of yourself? (If the answer is yes delete yourself now)
   
8. Have you ever been deleted more then once off the same persons list?
   
9. Matter of fact in the past 30 days how many people have deleted you?
   
10. Has anyone ever gotten a restraining order against you?
    
11. Your thoughts on murder.
    
12. Do you have any weird fetishes you plan on telling me about, if so please explain now?
    
13. Are you against taking an English comprehension test? Your thoughts on good grammar?
    
14. Are you a habitual liar? Wait; don’t answer that- you’ll just lie.
    
15. If you plan on insulting my friends or me please delete yourself right now (no, you're not funny).
    
16. No, I will not meet you at some shady hotel to see Mr. Happy.
    
17. No, I don’t want to “date” you- do I look like a cyber prostitute? (No please about it, delete yourself immediately for 16 or 17)
    

When is an addiction too much?

I just finished reading a posts by a guy who wants to do his girlfriend bodily harm because she doesn't give him enough time with his phone. What is wrong with this picture? When did an inanimate object become more important than a human relationship? Now I am sure that his post was partially in good fun but there must be a small grain of truth to the idea.

So that made me wonder, how many relationships have broken up over a smart phone, or maybe a technology issue. I am sure this sounds crazy but we live in a time where you can check yourself out of Wal-mart, ninety-nine percent of your needs can be meet online (well accept food, air, and water of course), and when we call any 800 number we talk to an automated voice.

"For the tenth time give me the &*@$ operator!"
"Did you say Ham & Cheese?"

So if human interaction is almost next to none these days, are we now accepting this as the way it is in our personal relationships or are we breaking up?

And for the record I was interested to see if there was a BlackBerry Support group. You know, like the ones they have for alcohol, or narcotics. No such luck, when you google BlackBerry Support group you get back information on operating systems and forums- too funny.

Whats behind door number one?

We've all experienced it and some of you may be guilty of it: people who lie. Both in life and online lying is a disease that has plagued human kind since the beginning of time. Now, in the Blackberry age we are introduced to the cyber liar. There are many reasons to lie. One may lie about their age to chat with a younger person (or maybe someone they think is younger), their appearance, their job, I can go on and on.


The problem with this is the fantasy world where BlackBerry Messenger exists is that many people get caught up in the lies. The ideal person is created and for some, emotion becomes a factor. Why is it so important for the human race to feel a sense of acceptance? There are many superficial reasons why people want to be liked. The important thing is to keep a level head. This of course is easier said then done. Many times, a person must fall at their own hand in order to understand this concept. It falls back on the tried and true example of our parents giving us advice. How many of us actually take it? I for one did not. I have managed to do everything in my life almost backwards. The positive thing is I have done it, but not without making it an uphill battle with every accomplishment. So listen to my advice when I say proceed with caution. There are some great people out there but one can never be too careful.

Paddygirl's Story

In her own words, Paddygirl would like to tell you her story.


Hi Blackberry Therapist and all that read my story.First, I want to thank you for giving me a place to tell my story. We all need therapy of one kind or another. But, since the purchase of my BB in August 08, I am more in need of help than I thought.

Prior to the BB entering my life, I wouldn't say my life was normal, but it was mine. I managed my time, work, family, and all the chores that go along with it.

I enjoyed going out with friends and meeting up with family occasionally. I kept connected by phone or email. I use to love to read in the evenings before bed (everything from self-help books to nice juicy novels). I was heavily involved with many outside activities from sports, theatre, skiing, and many Irish clubs.

Don't get me wrong. It was not the ideal life. Many hardships and lonely moments as well.

I was at a crossroads in my life. Wanting and looking forward to a better future, but stuck in a place that was not bringing me joy.

Then in July of 08, a good friend and colleague introduced me the BB Messenger. I had a BB for work, and thought it was good for emails, phone calls, and searching the net for directions. I thought the messenger thingy was the coolest invention. Mind you, I have always been technically challenged.

I love my friend/colleague dearly. But, there is part of me that curses her daily for every introducing me to the BB Messenger. And, there is another part of me that wants to kiss her feet, for introducing me to a world that I didn't know existed.

Today, 6 months later. I am truly a BB Addict. The BB as become not just an addition to my life, it is my life. The experiences that I have had in the short time of ownership have been life altering.

I have had some bad experiences with unsavory characters (I think we all have). But mostly, I have made some terrific new friends and kept up with old friends.

I am also one of those who fell in love with a BB buddy. It was not something I planned, nor would I recommend to anyone. But, you find this one person, that seems to relate to you in every way. You look forward to waking up in the morning and seeing the smiley light up with a message from him. You are looking at your BB every hour of every minute during your day (whether at work or home) hoping that he is thinking of you. The relationship becomes so real, that it is really no different than falling in love with a "real" person. I say real person, because I never met the one I fell in love with. I never touched him, or kissed him. But, I fell in love with him. Now you ask any non-BB person, and they would call me crazy. But, I can't be the only one out there who this has happened too. For over 2 months I was carried away to a place that was not my reality. It was magical, for awhile. Then like all good things, it ended. It had to end, it was never going anywhere. His reality and my reality were never going to be our reality (for several reasons). I am still crushed, because more than loosing someone that "I thought" loved me, I lost a BB friend. The one person I shared things with, that I didn't share with anyone. There wasn't a day that he did not make me feel special with his words.

Now, as I reflect back on that experience, I have learned many things 1) Words are just words. Anyone can type them, doesn't mean they are true. 2) Don't take things so seriously. This is "social networking", not Match.com, 3) If they tell you they are unhappy in their marriage, chances are they are full of shit. 4) Learn to delete when someone is rude. 5) Make your fellow BB buddies giggle and feel good throughout the day. Because in the end we are all this to make friends, and be entertained (some more than others).

Thank you BB Therapist for listening to my story. I have many more that are worth a laugh and maybe someday I will share them too.

Faithfully your BB Buddy,Paddygirl