The Truth Behind the Lie

Dear Blackberry Therapist,

I had a horrible thing happen to me, and I am just coming to terms with all of it now. I developed a relationship on blackberry messenger. It started out with flirting and then got even more than that. But, overtime, I started to feel something for this person. Even though, I knew he was married, and lived 3000 miles away. He had a way of making me feel good. Well recently, he ended our relationship (if that is what you call it), even though he said he loved me. I was crushed. However, recently I found out that this guy is a scum bag. He does this with a lot of girls, and is into some pretty kinky stuff. I am now convinced he lives a double life. He is the perfect father, provider, husband, during the day and is a pervert at night. I am angry, because I feel like I was a victim, but also hurt, that he took advantage of me. I am blessed, because I recently found someone who truly loves me and is sincere. I want to move forward with this new relationship, but it is hard, when I still feel so much emotions (mostly anger) at this other guy. Can you please help me come to terms with this?

~ Mad at Him

Dear Mad at Him,

I can see why you would be upset. Truth of the matter is people lie to make themselves feel better and to be accepted. This is not just something that happens on line or on BlackBerry Messenger, this can happen in our day to day interactions. First, you must not blame yourself. Although this person has done this for selfish reasons, you are not the cause of his actions. Be thankful for your new relationship and move on.

Do not retaliate by "getting even" you are only upping the ante for him. It will boost his ego to know that you care enough to hurt him and that is part of the satisfaction he is looking for by doing what he has done. By seeing the bigger picture you are finally looking at the situation from the outside, which has allowed you to see him for what he really is, and what he has done.

My best advice to you is to focus on your new relationship. Now that you have a better perspective on this former relationship, you now know what to look for and what to avoid. Don't be upset it happen, be thankful because it only makes you smarter.

Good Luck, and Congratulations on the new relationship!

~BlackBerry Therapist